Top 5 Reasons Couples Argue in a Relationship

Top 5 Reasons Arguments Happen in a Relationship

Couples Argue, but How Much is Too Much?

Nearly everyone in a healthy relationship argues with their partner – if you don’t, kudos! Some say that arguing is a sign of passion within the relationship, whilst others hate the fact that they argue. Personally, me and my partner never argue… but we do bicker from time to time (yes, I believe there is a difference). We never seem to raise our voice, but we do have our disagreements which we do eventually work out through compromise.

The question most people want to know, for themselves, is how much arguing is too much arguing? When is it time to say “Look, enough is enough, either we reduce the arguments or end the relationship“. Well, that is COMPLETELY up to you or your partner. If you are not HAPPY with your relationship because you feel that you are constantly in battle then you should say something, try to change your current situation or leave. It all boils down to your own happiness.

The following reasons are the 5 most common reasons couples seem to argue. Do any of these resonate with you?

The 5 Reasons

According to research done by Dr. John Gottman from over 3,000 married couples, the top 5 reasons people fight in a relationship are:

1. Free Time

Some partners aren’t happy with what the other partner does in their free time. Maybe you believe your partner goes out with their friends too much, doesn’t spend enough time with you or maybe they play too much sport… maybe they don’t do anything at all and you wish they did!

2. Money

This one’s an obvious one. One person might earn more than the other which may or may not have an emotional impact on the other partner. Some do not pay their way as much as the other, some partners gamble, some are frivolous and some partners do not save whilst the other one does. Money is a big reason for arguments.

3. Extended Family

So you don’t like your mother-in-law because she visits too much… this is common. A lot of people don’t like seeing the extended family of their partner that much. Maybe their father-in-law offended them and their partner can’t see why.

4. Physical Intimacy

Does you partner want to be intimate too much? Or maybe not enough. Maybe your partner wants to introduce things into the bedroom you just aren’t ready for or maybe your partner is too vanilla.

5. Household Chores

When one of you in the relationship thinks they do much than the other around the house, you can smell a bitter scent of resentment in the air.

What Can Be Done?

  • You’re probably thinking I’m about to tell you to stop fighting? Wrong. Well, right and wrong. Instead of “stop fighting” or “stop arguing”, the preferred thing to do would be instead DISCUSS your issues without raising your voice. You need to voice your opinion, but once you lose control you then lose your power of compromise.
  • Find the issue or problems you fight about most and write down a list, together, of the topics and patterns that have arisen within the arguments. For example, the problem could be that the wife thinks she does all the cooking whilst the husband thinks he does all the DIY. Write down the problems and talk them through until a compromise is reached.
  • Never add a small part of an argument onto another even bigger argument from the past. This makes an even bigger argument flare up. Never call up problems in past fights, never tell your partner what they “always do” or what they “never do”. You’re just asking for an argument.
  • Focus on what you both want and work it out from there. If you both want a holiday but one of you wants to spend big whilst the other one wants to spend little then you can at least both agree that you want a holiday!
  • Find a compromise. That’s it, it’s THAT simple. Find a middle ground.


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